


A Science!Gremlin and a Grimm Walk Into a Coffeeshop...

by TaleasOldasTimeandSpace



Series: Where the Weird Things Are [2]
Category: Grimm (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Balrog the Bilgesnipe, Be the Self-Indulgent Content Creator you want to see in the world, Because I can, Crack, Darcyland (Marvel), Dorks in Love, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Grimmshock, I may be the only one writing for this ship, I will give them the Quality Content they deserve, Idiots in Love, Literally Everybody Ships It, Mutual Pining, SHIP DARCY LEWIS WITH ALL THE THINGS, Strikes again, Wendy the Cloak of Levitation, and, but by JR2T (rhymes with 'dirt'), casually shoehorns in reference to, do i dare label this a coffeeshop au?, gratuitous depictions of coffee, maybe not love exactly but they're definitely getting there, the People have Spoken and I must give them what they want
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:47:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25889071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaleasOldasTimeandSpace/pseuds/TaleasOldasTimeandSpace
Summary: Darcy is Absolutely Determined to have the best vacation ever.  Naturally, that means finding the best coffee in Portland.She finds more than she bargained for.
Relationships: Darcy Lewis/Nick Burkhardt, Rosalee Calvert/Monroe
Series: Where the Weird Things Are [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1878616
Comments: 26
Kudos: 70





	A Science!Gremlin and a Grimm Walk Into a Coffeeshop...

Darcy took a deep breath of cool, damp air and smiled up at the grey skies. Another beautiful day in Portland. She made a mental note to get Steve something especially nice as a souvenir. He was, she'd come to realize, really good at this whole Leader of Men thing. Even though he wasn't technically anywhere in her chain of command, his status as head of the Avengers meant he had pull with everyone affiliated with the Avengers—including their resident mad scientists and the mad scientists' Chief Science!gremlin. Fortunately he used his powers for good, concerned as always with the well-being of the people he cared about. Including said affiliates.

It was at his insistence that she'd taken her first real vacation in more years than she'd care to admit. If it wasn't for Steve, she'd be in the Mullet right now, trying to get Jane to eat something besides a pop-tart and talk her out of blowing a hole in the fabric of time and space. Instead, some other poor schmuck was wrangling Jane while Darcy was continuing on her quest to find the best coffee in Portland.

So far, her only real regret—and granted, she'd only been in Portland for three days, and the first had been spent recovering from her cross-country flight—was that she'd had to leave Balrog in New York. But she didn't want to spend her vacation explaining to the Portland authorities what she was doing with a bilgesnipe, especially when the Portland authorities had no idea what a bilgesnipe was. Besides, Balrog (despite his regular flying dates with Wendy) didn't like planes, and she hadn't been able to talk Stephen into just portalling her directly to Portland. The jerk. So Balrog was staying with Clint and Lucky for the duration, and she made sure to video call him at least once a day. Maybe she'd bring him home some really nice coffee as a treat, even if it did make him start changing colour and vibrating. It really depended on how much havoc he could wreak while she was gone.

And if she could find really good coffee. So far she'd had lots of decent coffee, but she had yet to find that transcendent, life-altering source of caffeinated heaven. Hence her quest. Afternoons were for Proper Touristy Activities, but mornings were for coffee and contemplation. And crochet.

After striking out the last couple of days, she'd asked the owner of her bed and breakfast, a somewhat taciturn older woman named Kelly (whose cool scars and fiercely curly hair Darcy was quietly in awe of), for a recommendation. Kelly had studied her for a few nerve-wracking seconds, while Darcy concentrated on looking intelligent and nonthreatening—a skill she'd honed after several similar encounters with the heads of shady government organizations. Not to mention staring down Steve's patented Disappointed Captain America Face and Pepper's I get This Enough From Tony Face. Finally, just as Darcy was ready to break down and confess every wrong she'd committed in her life, Kelly's face broke into a surprisingly warm grin as she said, ‘Try Trubel Brewing.’

That was how Darcy ended up in the small coffeeshop in downtown Portland. It was crowded, which was a good sign, and by the time she got her order, the only open seat left was across from a man whose dark head was bent over a sketchbook. Another person might have taken her giant coffee and giant cheesy croissant and tried to find a bench outside or something, but Darcy had never been shy about approaching people she didn't know.

Besides, she wanted to eat her breakfast in a cozy coffeeshop, not outside where it was starting to drizzle. Even she had a limit when it came to cold and damp.

‘Excuse me, is this seat taken?’

He raised his head, and suddenly Darcy was looking into the prettiest pair of grey eyes she'd had the pleasure of meeting, framed by the longest lashes she'd ever seen on a man who wasn't a hundred-year-old super soldier. He smiled, and Darcy's stomach went _swoosh._

Sweet Mew-Mew he was cute.

‘Yeah, of course, be my guest,’ he said, waving to the chair.

‘Thanks. My name's Darcy, by the way.’

He extended a hand across the table. ‘Nick.’

‘Nice to meet you, Nick. And thanks for the save, I didn't realize this place would be so crowded.’

‘Well, Trubel does make the best coffee in the city.’

‘So I've been told.’ Saluting him with the cup, she said, ‘Sláinte, Nick,' and took her first sip. And then had to stop herself from guzzling the whole thing right there. _‘Oh.’_

Nick grinned. ‘Yep.'

‘Oh, _wow._ That is, like, amazing. Truly magical. I'm gonna need about a gallon of this. And several crates of beans to take home. Do you think Trubel would be interested in franchising?’

‘I think she's pretty content to stay local, but you're welcome to ask.’

‘I'm totally asking. I have friends who would kill for coffee like this.’

He laughed, but Darcy was only half joking—she was pretty sure Nat and possibly Bucky would go on a rampage to get their sspyssassin hands on this coffee. And even Thor would probably cheerfully knock a few skulls together. If there was one thing that man loved about Midgard—besides Jane, of course—it was coffee.

On second thought, maybe she shouldn't share this with them. The fate of the world could be at stake.

‘So where is it that you want to transport all this coffee, anyway?’

‘New York. I'm whatcha might call a lab manager for a mad scientist there.’ Several mad scientists really, not to mention assorted super-powered individuals, but her contract only recognized her position as lab manager to Dr. Foster.

‘What, really?’

‘Well, Jane's more grumpy than actually mad as a general rule, especially when it's too overcast for her to get good readings. She's an astrophysicist,’ she added at Nick's blank look. ‘Crazy smart, but liable to rewrite the laws of physics if left unsupervised for too long.’

Now he looked impressed. ‘Are you an astrophysicist too?’

She snorted. ‘Heck no. My smarts are more of the street variety. Stars are pretty to look at and all, and I can collate data with the best of them, but I know as much as I want to about the secrets of the universe, thanks.’ Too much, she sometimes thought, not that she would give it up for anything. But that wasn't something she needed to share with a guy she just met. No matter how cute he was.

‘Noted. What brings you to Portland?’

She grinned. ‘One word: vacation. I've got three glorious weeks of nothing but sightseeing, coffee, and no weirdness whatsoever. After following Jane around the world for the last few years, I'm ready for some peace and quiet and no history-making discoveries.’

He seemed a little stunned by her enthusiasm, but grinned back at her. ‘Congratulations, sounds like you've earned it. Though if you came to Portland to get away from weirdness, you might be disappointed. We have our share of strange.'

Nothing could be stranger than your boss' boyfriend being from another planet. Not to mention being the proud owner of a literal monster, who was sort of dating a sentient flying cloak. ‘I think I can handle it, but thanks for the warning.' She nodded to the sketchbook he'd abandoned on the table and hoped her subject change wasn't too abrupt. ‘What about you? Are you an artist?’

The tips of his ears actually turned pink. Well that was adorable. ‘No, it's more of a hobby. I'm a homicide detective with the Portland PD.'

‘A man of many talents, cool. What kind of stuff do you like to draw? Character studies? Cartoons? Uh...caricatures?'

He laughed, tapping his pen (pen! The man sketched in _pen!_ He must have absolutely no fear) on the sketchbook. ‘I mostly draw uh, fantasy stuff.’ With one last tap, he slid the book across the table. ‘Would, uh, would you like to look?’

 _Would she._ ‘Yeah, sure, if that's okay,’ she said, pulling the book toward her and flipping through it. Wow, he wasn't kidding about specializing in fantasy. The little book was filled with drawings of all kinds of strange and fantastic creatures, most vaguely humanoid but with elements of snakes, bears, even insects. Some were rough and hurried, others were exquisitely detailed. ‘Dang, man, these are really good! If you ever get tired of the cop gig, you could make a killing as a fantasy artist.’ One dragon-like sketch kind of reminded her of Balrog—minus the antlers, of course.

‘Ah, thanks,’ he said, rubbing the back of his neck, ‘but I'll stick with my day job for now. Like I said, it's a hobby.’ His phone chose that moment to ring. ‘Speaking of my day job,’ he said, glancing at the caller ID. ‘Excuse my, I have to take this.’ Darcy nodded, bending over the drawings and trying not to eavesdrop too obviously. ‘Burkhardt. Where? Uh-huh. Yeah, I can be there in twenty. See you then.’

She smiled. ‘Duty calls?’

‘Literally. It was very nice to meet you, Darcy. Enjoy your stay in Portland.’

She shook the hand he held out. ‘Likewise, Nick. Good luck with your day job. And thanks again for sharing!' She watched him leave, waving when he looked back on his way out the door before turning back to her coffee with a smile. Well. Her vacation was definitely looking up.

* * *

It was a couple of days before Nick was able to get coffee at Trubel Brewing again. They'd been busy with a couple of bodies in the woods—why was it always the woods, anyway?—and he'd been forced to survive on subpar precinct coffee. He'd thought about Darcy when he had a moment to spare, but it wasn't until Trubel handed him his coffee with a smirk and a jerk of her chin towards the tables that he realized she was back.

He debated approaching her—he'd enjoyed talking to her, but he also hadn't really expected to see her again. And he didn't want to just insert himself into her vacation after she'd been so vocal about looking forward to peace and quiet.

As he stood there waffling, Trubel glared at him. ‘Just get over there, Nick!’ she said, making shooing motions at him.

‘Okay, okay! I'm going!’

Darcy was crocheting something with a fluffy-looking purple yarn while reading on her phone, and didn't notice his presence until he cleared his throat. ‘Is this seat taken?’

Her head popped up, and she graced him with a wide smile. ‘Oh, hi again, Nick! How'd the case go?’

‘It's ongoing, but I finally have a little breathing room. I take it you liked the coffee enough to come back?’

She raised her cup with a smirk. ‘I have it on good authority that this is the best coffee in the city. Who am I to argue with that?’

* * *

It quickly became a Thing.

‘Is this seat taken?'

Darcy's head was bent over a map of Portland, but she looked up at his question. ‘Oh, hey Nick! We have got to stop meeting like this.’

‘I dunno, I kinda like it. So what's on the agenda for today?’

‘I'm torn between sightseeing and museums.’ Twisting the map so he could see, she asked, ‘Got any recommendations?’

‘Well, if you like plants, the botanical gardens are really nice right now. We had a body there last week and everything was blooming.’

‘Murder plants. Awesome!’

* * *

‘Is this seat taken?’ She was sitting down even as she asked.

‘Darcy! You're running late today, I was almost starting to get worried.’

‘Yeah, my video call with Balrog ran long. He tries to hide it but I know he misses me.’

‘Dogs are great, aren't they? And it's really nice of your friend to let you borrow his phone like that every day.’

She was calling Balrog's personal Starkphone, but Nick didn't need to know that. It wasn't like your average Yukon Elkhound had its own phone. ‘Yeah, Clint's the best. I've already promised him five bags of Trubel's coffee for this.’

 _And_ she'd had to put up with him _and_ Balrog teasing her about Nick. Just because she'd mentioned him a couple of times in her last few calls.

Several times.

Every time.

A flicker of amusement ghosted across her connection with her bilgesnipe.

_Shut up, Balrog._

* * *

‘Is this seat taken?’ He set his coffee on the table and just resisted the wild urge to kiss her cheek in greeting.

‘Nick! I'm glad you're here—have you ever been to Gravity Falls? A friend of mine and her brother used to spend their summers there when they were kids, and she said I absolutely have to check it out while I'm here in Oregon.’

‘I've heard of it, but I've never been, no.’ Regular Portland was weird enough, he didn't need to visit a town so steeped in strange that it had its own page on several of the local conspiracy websites. (Including whether or not the town actually existed. Apparently the question was hotly debated.) Besides, a Grimm visiting a place like that was just asking for trouble.

* * *

She dropped into the chair and grinned cheekily. ‘Is this seat taken?’

‘Well it is _now.’_ He grinned back. ‘Trubel's baker made a fresh batch of cinnamon rolls, you have to try this—here, I grabbed you one before they could sell out.’ He slid a plate with a cinnamon roll the size of Balrog's spiked tail across the table.

‘Why Detective Burkhardt, you say the nicest things.’ She was going to be so hopped up on sugar that her eyeballs would be glowing in the dark, and it would be absolutely worth it.

He grinned. ‘Don't you mean the sweetest things?’

‘Never mind, you're dead to me.’

(He would never be dead to her.)

* * *

‘Is this seat taken?’

Darcy surged out of her chair and grabbed the front of his jacket. ‘Detective, I need you to arrest that man.’

‘What? Why? And who?’ He put his hands on her shoulders, his eyes darting over her, searching for injuries. ‘Did he hurt you?’

‘Worse!' She went up on her toes to glare into his eyes. ‘He bought the last chocolate croissant! Right in front of me!’

He relaxed, pulling her into a hug. ‘Darcy, being ahead of you in line and buying a pastry is not a crime.’

‘It's a crime against my stomach, Nick!’ Her voice was muffled by his shirt, but her indignation was clear.

(And if he was slower letting her go than he strictly should have been, well, he had to make sure she wasn't going to attack the hapless pastry thief.)

* * *

Nick set his mug on the counter and shrugged into his jacket. Wednesday dinners with Monroe and Rosalee were the highlight of his social calendar these days. Unless you counted coffee with Darcy. ‘I'd better head out, I need to be up early tomorrow.’

Monroe nodded gravely. ‘Ah yes, wouldn't want to miss your hot date with coffee girl, would you?’

‘How did you know about Darcy?’ As soon as he said her name he knew he should have deflected.

‘I have spies everywhere.’

‘It's not a _date.’_ Sure he might look forward to these daily meetups with an almost high school giddiness, but it _wasn't_ a date. ‘We just happen to go to the same coffeeshop.’

‘Uh-huh.’ He patted Nick's arm. ‘Keep telling yourself that.’

Monroe was just seeing what he wanted to see. But regardless, Nick needed to head home. He didn't want to oversleep and miss any time with Darcy. He loved Monroe and Rosalee, but coffee with Darcy was his favourite part of the day.

Oh.

Oh _no._

Monroe was right. It totally was a date.

He was in _trouble._

* * *

Rosalee was loading the dishwasher when Monroe came back to the kitchen after seeing Nick out. ‘How do I know about Darcy?’ He shook his head as he started wiping down the counters. ‘The man is carrying on his torrid affair in Trubel's coffeeshop, how could I _not_ know about Darcy? Sometimes it's a mystery to me how he ever made detective.’

Rosalee laughed. ‘Oh, leave him alone, Monroe. I think it's cute. I haven't seen him this happy in a really long time.’

‘Do you think you should tell him what your contact in New York said?’

‘Okay, first of all, Sharon was my college roommate before she went to New York for grad school, she is _not_ my “contact."’ Finished with the dishes, she moved to the sink to wash her hands. ‘And secondly, it's not really our business. It sounds like Darcy has been as up-front about everything as she can under the circumstances. And you can bet Nick didn't tell her anything about being a Grimm. And _thirdly,’_ she slid her arms up his shoulders and went on her toes to kiss the tip of his nose, ‘I really don't need another night talking about Nick's love life when we _could_ be talking about our own.'

‘You're right, that's a much better use of our time.’

* * *

Nick waved at Wu—who was by the coffeemaker attempting to flirt with the new transfer from Central City—as he passed through the precinct to flop into his desk chair. ‘Hank, I think I'm in trouble.’

‘Is this about your girlfriend?’

‘She's not my girl—wait, how do you know about her?'

‘I don't know, it's not like I'm a detective or anything. Oh, wait, this badge says I am.' Nick threw a pen at him, which he deflected with the case file he'd been studying. ‘What's the problem? You've practically been floating these last few days.’

‘That. That's the problem.'

‘You object to floating?'

‘It's what the floating represents. She's from New York and she's going back soon. I have no business getting involved.' He started doodling a tiny Empire State Building on his memo pad. ‘Besides, she doesn't know about Grimms or Wesen or anything, and I can't drag her into that.’

‘If you ask me, the floating indicates you're already involved. And so she doesn't know. So tell her. You told me, and I like to think it turned out okay. I didn't even punch you in the nose or anything.'

Nick squinted at him. ‘I always did think you took it surprisingly well. But that's a completely different case. You already knew there was weird stuff going on, and you'd seen enough that it was better for you to know than not. Darcy's leaving and I'm never going to see her again, so what's the point?'

‘Good morning gentlemen, it's a beautiful day!’ Nick grunted, causing Wu to raise an eyebrow. ‘And you're looking exceedingly mopey this fine morning. What's the problem?'

‘Nick likes a girl and it's making him depressed.'

‘Well in that case you're probably not going to like my news, but I'm going to share anyway. ’Cause I'm generous like that. Guess who has a date this Friday? That's right, this guy.’

Not it was Hank's turn to grunt. ‘Oh, yeah, rub it in, why don't you.’

Nick smiled up at Wu. ‘Ignore him, he's just jealous.'

‘I am jealous and I'm not ashamed to admit it.' Hank leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. ‘So you finally worked up the nerve to ask Patty out? Took you long enough.’

Wu shrugged, unperturbed. ‘Well we can't all be Nick Burkhardt and meet our soulmates in coffeeshops like a tropey fanfiction of your favourite TV show.'

Nick was beginning to wonder if it was too late to call in sick.

Hank was perfectly willing to carry on the conversation without him. ‘That's an oddly specific comparison. So where are you going?’

‘I was thinking Trubel's, since that seems to be working for Nick. What do you think, Nick?’

Nick buried his head in his arms. ‘I think I hate you both.'

 _‘I_ think that's a yes. I should go more often, maybe I could get a girlfriend there too.'

‘You're not helping, Hank.'

‘Who knows, maybe Darcy has a friend she could set you up with,' Wu suggested. ‘She sounds like she would know some fun people. Not that I know that from personal experience, you understand, since Nick's never brought her around to meet us.'

‘Yeah, why is that, Nick? Are you ashamed of us or something?'

‘Why?' Nick shook his head. ‘Why are you like this? And why is there never a murder when you need one?'

* * *

A murder was called in shortly after, rescuing him from the conversation—if not the pointed looks and smart remarks. Even Renard made a comment about coffee at Trubel's. Nick was really starting to miss the days when his secrets were actually secret.

But the absolute last straw was when Rosalee, with what he was sure was the best of intentions, texted him to invite Darcy to their next dinner. He decided then that he'd have to break it off with Darcy—not that there was anything _to_ break off, since they _weren't dating._ But almost as soon as he made his resolution he realized he couldn't go through with it. She was only going to be in Portland for another week, he didn't want to miss any time with her because his friends were being annoying.

He could put up with one more week of teasing.

**Author's Note:**

> And then the very next day he goes to Trubel Brewing and has the privileged of seeing Darcy tase a Skalengeck and the rest, as the kids say, is History
> 
> You may notice this is now a series. You may also notice that this is technically a prequel, but apparently the Spirit needed to have their Actual First Meeting recorded for Posterity.
> 
> A few notes on this universe: For the Marvel side, it's set firmly in my Balrog 'verse, which means I take what I want from canon, ignore the rest, and make up everything else as I go. For the Grimm side, Juliette broke up with Nick after the amnesia/obsession arc, so Adalind never disguises herself as Juliette, Nick never loses (or regains) his powers, and (ultimately) Juliette never becomes a Hexenbiest (and never sets Kelly up to be killed). Adalind gets to raise Diana from the beginning, so Kelly doesn't take her into hiding. Instead, she moves back to Portland and decides to rehabilitate the Bramble House, which has been lying vacant since the first season. Trubel also sticks around and runs a coffeeshop as a day job (Trubel Brewing is courtesy of [misscrazyfangirl321](https://misscrazyfangirl321.tumblr.com/), without whom I wouldn't be writing Grimm at all). Everybody is friends, or frienemies, or at least tolerates each other.
> 
> Gravity Falls absolutely exists.
> 
> Come say hi on [Tumblr](https://taleasoldastime-andspace.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> Namarie, my little bilgesnipes!


End file.
